How can a father leave his daughter?

The last truth I wrote was basically about my mom. This one is about my dad.

Well, you basically know about both of them, yet where I left off with my dad was, he had just gotten married. Married to a lady I thought I would be able to love.

My dad and Yolonda got married when I was seven. That was a long, long time ago.  I was happy for him, as happy as a seven-year old could be. All I knew was I was going to have someone who would nurture me. Well in saying that, that never and I mean never happened.

I was court ordered to spend weekends at my dads.  That was a tough thing for me to do, especially since they had gotten married, I was felt as though I was a pain in his ass and my step-moms.

They had just gotten married, and this being Yolonda’s first marriage, she wanted Sam all to herself. She couldn’t,  he had an ex-wife and a child. They could rid themselves of the ex-wife, but the child they couldn’t. I was there, there to be in their life until I was at least 18.

But they had lots of problems with Kathy having me call them and ask for child support. Just like my mom, if they heard my voice and heard my question that was all they wrote. They got mad at me just like Kathy did. So now, I have the people who I love, and trust unconditionally . Now I have them mad at me.

Thank goodness for my grandparents on the weekends. The stability was still there. it’s really hard for me to remember a whole lot that happened hen and shortly after they got married, but i can remember when my half-brother was born and my half-sister.  Joshua was born in 1975 and Jennifer was born in 1980. Those two years changed my life with my Sam and Yolonda.

Sam really didn’t need me around anymore, even though my Kathy would make me go and make them take me. I can remember Josh. He was a brown-haired little boy who was cute and fun to be with.  But, by this time I’m nine years old, and he took away the time I needed with Sam. And, trying to have something with my step-mom.  They had diapers to change, they had to cook,and they had to give baths. It was their boy, he was only my part-time brother.

My dad at one point in our life, told me that my step-mom gave him an ultimatum it was either her or me(or visa versa). He made his choice. He chose his wife over me. (remember I didn’t know that for years after, I happened to be married when I found out) That still hurts. So keeping up.

He chose her, in doing so,  I saw less and less of Sam. He had his own life, why would he need me? He didn’t. He had Josh, Josh was his boy.  I did have to go over there, with my mom forcing Sam and Yolonda to take me.

I’d go over there, and I was treated like “Cinderella”. dinner would be cooked, I’d have to clean up, while they watched TV. I would have to help fold clothes. It wasn’t a visit for me, it was work. And, at nine or ten I didn’t feel I should have to work, while they watched TV. All I needed was a prince charming to take me away. (That would have been my dad) He was NO prince charming to me, and Yolonda was the wicked step-mom. I loved to hate her, or I hated to love her.

I was an outcast, in my father’s life. He would tell me things about Kathy, that a ten-year old should never hear. Kathy was the brunt of my dad’s side of the family. Making comments about her being gay/lesbian. I wanted to fit in, so I played along with it. I’ve since apologized to Kathy about it.

But never mining that, that’s all over. Now it’s my turn. I can remember one time going to my dads (well almost all of the times) but this one time, Joshua was taking a bath, and he was sticking something into a bar of soap. Yolonda didn’t see, or she did and she didn’t care. I decided I would take the bar of soap away and tell him “No”! My step-mom flew off the handle at me, that I remember running down the stairs, scared. After his bath, she told my dad, and then i got in trouble even more. Can’t remember what exactly happened to me, if anything, but I do remember getting in bigger trouble. Remembering I’m still young.

I can remember going to my dads for the holidays. Well not the actual holiday, Sam and Yolonda didn’t want that. So I would go over like Christmas Eve, or the day after. I would walk in their house, and I would see the same tree I saw at their house every year. It was like they had that specific tree in their backyard and they’d cut it down every year. The ornaments seemed like they were in the same place, and the p-resents were in the same place, lots of presents, lots and lots of presents. Only a couple were mine. When you’re a child you want to feel like your loved and that your wanted, if you don’t get a lot of love and don’t feel wanted, the only way you can feel loved is with presents on Santa Claus day. I can remember getting a pair of socks for Christmas. Now, you know that’s a fun ass gift, from the people who loved you.

Oh time to go home, time to go back to Kathy. No telling what I’ve done while I was away, to piss her off.  But, I know I did.

I was always stressed. Stressed to go to my dads, stressed to go back home, stressed to go to school. Stressed because I was stressed. I always had a stomach ache. I can’t remember a day that I didn’t have one.

(I’m going to write more tomorrow, it’s late and I’m getting stressed cause it’s late) No I’m not stressed, just tired.

Until we meet again on the next page.

Patty

The beginning of the end

I am, an “Only Child”. 

The story begins in the winter of  “1965”. With one woman and one man, (we’ll call him Mike and her Dorothy).  They were to be married on the fifth of December, in Solano County. Their day was a beautiful day, considering she had a secret. A secret that only she thought she knew.  Others in her wedding knew of this shame she was feeling, but she couldn’t tell anyone. In those days a person could get killed. It was a hard role to play. A new wife, a daughter, sister and to be lesbian.

She was marrying her High School sweetheart,  so she wanted others to believe that. He was a High School football player. He loved this lady. In his mind nothing could go wrong. He had it all.  His beautiful wife, a job, a home. Soon he would find out she was pregnant in January of  “1966”. His life was perfect to the outside world. Only he knew what was happening inside.

In September of “1966” they became proud parents of a beautiful, happy little girl. She had dark brown hair and blue eyes. She was a good baby. As time went on things got tougher around the house.  Mike started going down hill as Dorothy started becoming more of a career woman. Mike was a binge drinker, and Dorothy would have nothing to do with it.

One day as Dorothy was working, Mike was going to, or coming home from work, in his Blue Volkswagen Bug.  He had been drinking. His drink was an ice-cold can of beer. Yet one was never enough. He would drink when he was in the mood, and the drinking would go on for months, and then abruptly stop, for months. Mike was an alcoholic. Addiction had run in his family.  Mike had run his car into another car, that happened to be parked. He totaled his car.

Dorothy had her own issues. She was married, had a daughter and she had a girlfriend. This was certainly NOT the Leave it to Beaver show. This was something called real life.  Real life can become stereotypical. Mike and Dorothy were not your stereotypical couple.

As a few years had pass. Mike was the bread-winner of the family, and he was taking care of their daughter (we’ll call her Donna) almost just as full-time as his job. Dorothy was working as many hours as she could to get her career going.

One day four years into the marriage, Mike had come home. He came home to a lady that was his wife, but not the lady he had married. This was a lady, that had evil in her eyes. Granted, Mike had already slammed a few beers down. So Dorothy was not happy with that. She had other reasons to be upset with Mike.  He had left her to take care of their daughter. This had been an ongoing cycle between the both of them. Dorothy didn’t want children. Yet society had already told her what she was going to do.

This is a “True” Story about a young lady growing up in a harsh environment, in the not so best atmosphere .

All names have been changed to protect their identity.